As I write this entry, I just finished a session with my counselor. I’m so grateful that my company provides free counseling sessions. It is truly a privilege that I can take care of my mental health.
Since 2021, i’ve been having my psychiatric sessions while since last year, i’ve been having my counseling sessions. It wasn’t easy to start. For the longest time, i’ve been told to seek help but back then, I didn’t feel I needed it. But then COVID came and it finally pushed me to do it.
I’m diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD. When I told close family and friends about it, they weren’t surprised. Growing up, I showed tendencies already but it was only in 2021 when It was formalized. When I got my official diagnosis, I remember bursting into tears. Not because I felt sad but because I felt relieved. Finally, I know what’s going on. Finally, I know what’s ahead of me.
Ever since getting diagnosed, I’ve been strongly advocating for mental health to be discussed. In fact, this is actually my graduate school thesis hehe (i’ll let you know once i’m done with it!).
Whenever I see friends and family, I don’t shy away from telling them that I have this disorder. It’s already enough that mental health is a taboo. I feel that I need to do my own part in raising awareness. Still, I acknowledge that not everybody will take me seriously. It can easily be dismissed as not real. At the very least, I encourage people to talk to mental health professionals (if they can). One doesn’t need to be sick to do so. Asking help is not bad nor should be seen negatively. Asking help when you think about it is actually an act of strength - you acknowledge that you need support and you recognize the strengths of others to help build yourself.
For more than two years now, I’m able to act on my feelings and emotions better (at least this is what I feel haha). I’m beyond grateful for my family, my SO, and my friends for providing a safe space and understanding the situation I’m in. In this journey, I realized that no matter how difficult it is, one must also be open in facing and overcoming adversities. Sharing your life story to a stranger is not easy. More so, doing it again and again as you find the one (the right mental health professional for you). But when you finally do, it will get better. It will take time but this journey of self discovery will ultimately help you in your path to healing.
In today’s session, I found myself crying again. Because of my OCD, I have a tendency to control things. I also have a tendency to overwhelm myself with different scenarios. I’m reminded that despite all these, I have to learn to trust myself. I have to take a step back, breathe, and pay attention to my feelings and emotions. One of my key takeaways today is that things may not happen the way I want it to but it doesn’t mean that it will not turn out well. I have to learn how to see the beauty of other scenarios. Sometimes, I get too fixated about the future not knowing that I don’t get to enjoy the present. So yes, I need to be more present and enjoy the now.
Having this outlet (substack) has been really helpful to me. If you’ve read my entries, you know by now that I went back to writing as recommended by my counselor. It helps me process things and keep myself accountable.
Each day is a day closer to knowing myself a little bit better. My worries will always be there. Still, in this journey, I hope that I’ll be able to let go of my fears (a little more each day too if possible) and just take life as it is.
If you need someone to talk to (doesn’t necessarily need to be mental health-related), let me know!
Hope you’re having a good Monday :-)
Dom
I love you 💕